


you waste your time on daft pretty boys

by takenbadgering



Series: how easily passion twists [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alcohol, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ba Sing Se, Blushing, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Brother-Sister Relationships, Celebrity Crush, Changing Tenses, Character Study, Child Abuse, Childhood, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute Kids, Denial of Feelings, Dorks in Love, Earthbending & Earthbenders, Ember Island (Avatar), Ember Island Players (Avatar), Episode: s03e12 The Western Air Temple, Feelings Realization, Fire Nation Royal Family, Firebending & Firebenders, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Happy Azula (Avatar), He doesn't know how, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Marriage, Inspired by Music, Internalized Homophobia, Introspection, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Kinda, Lazy Mornings, Love Amongst Dragons (Avatar), M/M, Master/Servant, Morning Cuddles, Morning Kisses, Oblivious Zuko (Avatar), POV Original Character, Partners in Crime, Pet Names, Post-The Last Agni Kai (Avatar), Pre-Canon, Pre-Series, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Identity, Shopping, Slow Romance, Stargazing, Swords, Tags May Change, Theatre, Tween Romance, Underage Drinking, Underage Kissing, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Valeting, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Western Air Temple, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko doesn't handle compliments well, Zuko's Childhood (Avatar), Zuko's Scar (Avatar), at the very end, oblivious gays, technically but not in a weird way, these tags are not quite in order, they run around doin crimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26239921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takenbadgering/pseuds/takenbadgering
Summary: Five times Zuko finds himself infatuated.One time Zuko finds himself head over heels in love.In other words, six times Zuko indulged the butterflies in his stomach.And one of those times, how it paid off in the long run.-title: Daft Pretty Boys by Bad Suns
Relationships: Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Haru/Zuko (Avatar), Iroh & Ozai (Avatar), Iroh & Ursa (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Ozai/Ursa (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & The Gaang, Toph Beifong & Zuko, Ursa & Zuko (Avatar), Zuko & Zuko's Crew (Avatar), Zuko/Ruon-Jain (Avatar)
Series: how easily passion twists [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896976
Comments: 15
Kudos: 330





	1. we wore our hearts on our sleeve; why did we ever have to leave?

**Author's Note:**

> this is part 2 of my gay zuko series. you don't have to read part 1 for this to make sense, but it might help a little.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's young and doesn't know quite how he feels.  
> But he feels it. Its warm and giddy.   
> Ursa smiles at her son.  
> -  
> title: Little League by Conan Gray

* * *

**1**

* * *

When Zuko is older, he will swear up and down that this wasn’t where it started. It  _ didn’t  _ start here—with the Ember Island Players—never in a  _ thousand centuries _ would this be where it started! 

Only his mother and sister had been there and could testify that that was a lie, and neither of them are in a position to speak up now; his sister was still healing, in one of the barely-touched wings of the palace, and was probably too young when it happened to remember the whole story anyway, and their mother… she’d been gone for a while. 

See, back then, he was just Prince Zuko, hanging out with just Princess Azula and just their mother Princess Ursa. He hadn’t learned how to bend fire yet and neither had Azula. He was only 6 years old, afterall. 

So Just Prince Zuko was going to the theatre with Just Princess Ursa and Just Princess Azula. It would be the first time Ursa took them to see the Ember Island Players, a local troupe known for outrageous storytelling that had the audience teary-eyed one moment and on the floor with laughter the next. 

They would be seeing Love Amongst Dragons, Ursa’s favorite play. Young Zuko was bouncing excitedly the whole walk there and Azula skipped alongside him. They held hands; no wedge of forced power and abuse had been driven between them yet and they were  _ happy  _ to be with each other. 

Even after sitting in their seats, up high with an amazing view—as is their right as Fire Nation Royalty—, Zuko still couldn’t stop bouncing in his seat. Following her brother’s example, Azula was worse. 

When the lights dimmed, Ursa reached over and touched their hands. “Be still now, turtleducks,” she whispered. Both her children grinned back and nodded. 

The curtains drew open a few moments later. 

The first couple scenes passed easily enough. The protagonist dragged himself around the stage with grace, expressing the grief of being forced into mortal form by a curse.   
Then the part in which the love interest helped him and showed him unashamed kindness.   
There are a few scenes where she shows him how to be human. It’s humorous and adorably affectionate. 

Though, if Ursa is being honest with herself, the actress of the love interest is unnecessarily raunchy and the other actors executed their lines with all the wrong emphasis. It’s really a horrible version of the beautiful story, but her children enjoy it, so she says and does nothing. She simply smiled and pushed through. 

Then, they get their first scene involving the villain, a longtime rival of their hero who dons a blue, fanged mask and a black suit. 

Instantly, Zuko is entranced. He stops moving and is totally zoned in on The Water Spirit. Ursa watched her son closely as he moved to the edge of his seat.   
When that scene is over, Zuko looks at his mother. His eyes are wide and shine bright in the darkness, and he’s struck with a feeling he can't name. “Mother, he is…” he struggles for words, “He is… so… he’s so…  _ cool _ !” 

Ursa chuckled softly. “I suppose he is, turtleduck.” 

Intermission came far too  _ slowly _ for Ursa, who was internally dying from the bad acting, but far too  _ fast _ for her enraptured children, who hung on every word uttered from the stage—especially Zuko, when The Water Spirit was on stage. 

During said intermission, Zuko begged his mother to let him go look at merchandise and get more fire flakes. “I want a Water Spirit mask, Mother!” He pleaded, draping himself over her leg.   
“Oh! I wan’ a Drag’n Em’per mask, Mother!” Azula draped herself over Ursa’s other leg. Both children gave the older woman shining lynx-puppy eyes. 

She couldn’t help the laugh that slipped out of her lips when she sighed. “Very well, up, both of you.” She shifted to stand. Both kids beat her to it, taking off down the hallway excitedly. They stopped at the hallway’s junction, waiting for her before continuing excitedly. 

At the kiosk, Ursa examines each mask with her children. She was far less pleased with the selection than them, who were happy with the cheap paper masks. 

Eventually, they got in the winding line to check out with the paper masks. At the register, there were fire flakes for sale too. 

Unfortunately, before they made it even halfway through, the lights flickered. This meant the show would start up again any moment. Both children whined but Ursa promised them both they’d buy some masks before they left. 

Just before entering the theatre again, Azula announced the unfortunate truth that she had to use the bathroom—which already had a very long line still in place. Ursa just sighed. 

They made it back just in time for the show to start up again. There was a brief recap of events before the story continued. 

There was a battle between their protagonist and antagonist. In which, The Water Spirit broke in to steal the gorgeous and kind (human) Damsel-in-Distress away from The (now-mortal) Dragon Emperor.   
During this battle, The Dragon Emperor knocked The Water Spirit’s mask off. 

Beside her, Zuko gasped as the face of the villain was revealed. His cheeks flushed pink and he was staring at the stage, barely blinking. If she didn’t know better, Ursa would say her son was knocked breathless by The Water Spirit—or, at least, by his actor. 

She pushed a small handful of fire flakes into her mouth to hide her smile as she watched Zuko intently from the corner of her eye. She observed how he reacted thrice as emotionally in scenes involving The Water Spirit and kept her mouth shut. 

Later, a part of her was rather amused when her son requested to see another play that  _ just so happened  _ to feature The Water Spirit’s actor.   
Another part of her ached, knowing that, unless Iroh changed things when he inevitably became Firelord, Zuko would have to keep such a pure and defining piece of his character a secret at all costs. 

Now, over a decade after that special day, a rather pesky, blind earthbender with the ability to sense heartbeats was now  _ also  _ able to testify against that original lie: it  _ had _ started with the Ember Island Players. 

* * *


	2. brush against my knees on a summer afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the last time he'll allow himself such weakness, he tells himself.  
> It caused him to be late to get home. It caused them all to get in trouble.  
> That didn't mean it wasn't oh so sweet...  
> -  
> title: Sunkissed by khai dreams

* * *

**2**

* * *

None of them know it, but this will be the last time they’re all together, happy.   
This will be the last time Zuko sees his mother and father together, laughing.  
This will be the last time Lu Ten pranks him.   
This will be the last time for a lot more happy things.

But, it is also the first for other things.  
To name a few, this is the first time Azula will get into a fight.   
It’s also the first time Iroh accidentally cusses in front of Zuko and Azula, as well as the first time Lu Ten cusses in front of Iroh. 

It’s an eventful vacation, in hindsight At the time, though, it was horrible. 

It was the peak of summer, and Ember Island was in the middle of a small drought. The air was thick and dry, the sun’s rays burned a little hotter, and the sparkling waters blinded onlookers more than usual. 

It was a summer of staying inside, where there were servants with fans, shade, and a breeze throughout the house. 

For the first week of their familial getaway, Zuko spent most of his time with his sister and cousin, in one of their rooms. Iroh and Ozai sat in the study and talked with the door closed and windows open. Ursa devoured the books in their small library. 

On the 7th night, though, the island was blessed with a strong storm that cooled everyone off. On the morning of the 8th day, it was a bearable temperature, overcast by grey clouds and a chilly breeze. 

Sure, the air was humid instead of heavy, but now, one could be outside without melting. Zuko, Azula, and Lu Ten did just this. 

It started out with Ursa wanting to go shopping with everyone, which Ozai strongly objected. But Iroh sided with his sister-in-law, so, by the majority vote, the family would be going out despite Ozai’s whining. 

Then, while Ursa and Iroh gushed over some gorgeous, imported vases—Ozai was being forced by his older brother to carry their shopping bags—, Lu Ten asked his father if they could go off on their own. Iroh, greatly distracted, agreed, and the children took off. 

Lu Ten was practically an adult, if you asked his cousins. He was a whopping 16 years old, 8 years older than Zuko and 10 years older than Azula. 

Again, he’s practically an adult, according to them. 

That being said, Zuko wasn’t interested in looking at the  _ adult  _ things Lu Ten wanted to buy, at least, not like Azula was. So, while his sister and cousin admired some vintage firebending scrolls from before Sozin’s reign, he went across the street to a bladesmith’s shop. 

He had always enjoyed training with Master Piandao at home. While his own dual dao blades would always have a special place in his heart, Zuko still liked to admire other blades. Afterall, as long as he doesn’t do anything with them, he can’t feel guilty. 

So he admired, and maybe, just maybe, he touched some of the intricate handles. 

As he was looking at one finely made sheath—made with the water-proof leather from penguin-seal skin, imported directly from the Southern Water Tribe—Zuko noticed a boy around his age sidle up next to him. 

“Do you know a lot about blades?” The boy asked, not looking at him. His hair was long and messy, but well kept. His skin was tan in such a way that he could tell he was a native islander and not just a vacationer, like himself. 

“I think so,” Zuko responded slowly, “I mean, I study with Master Piandao.” 

The boy’s head snapped his direction, his jaw dropped. “You do?!” 

He nodded, slowly still. 

“I have so many questions! What’s he like? Is he as good as they say? Does he really make you paint and do calligraphy?” The boy moved towards him quickly, gushing over the master swordsman. 

“He’s strict, but in a nice way. Yes. Yes, but I’m not very good.” Zuko did his best to respond to every question the other threw his way, feeling flustered all of a sudden. He knew his cheeks were pink and the boy was so close to him; and  _ why is he that close?! _

Finally, the other boy calmed down somewhat. He finished with a soft “Wow,” blushing a little too. “Sorry, I’m Ruon-Jian. My dad’s a vice admiral in the navy, but I live here.” 

“Oh. I’m Zuko, I’m from Caldera City.” He gave no more information. People tend to treat him differently when they know who he‘s related to. He didn’t want this boy to do that. 

Ruon-Jian looked away for a moment before turning back to the sheaths. “So, blades… ” he looked back at Zuko. 

“Blades… what do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

By the time Lu Ten and Azula found Zuko, it was nearly sunset. The shopkeeper had long since kicked them out after realizing they weren’t buying anything, so they just sat on the curb and talked. 

Azula tackled him into a hug when she saw him. Lu Ten looked upset. They rushedly explained how they thought he was gone and they didn’t want to go back home without him because then that meant he was  _ really  _ gone. They’d both been in a panicked flurry the whole afternoon. 

Zuko apologized to them both profusely, feeling horribly guilty. 

Lu Ten tugged his hand then. “Dad and Aunt Ursa are going to be worried. It’s time to go home.” 

He looked back at Ruon-Jian. 

“Meet here tomorrow?” His new friend smiled. 

His cheeks flushed red again. “Yeah! Definitely!” He didn’t want him to go, if only for a day. He really liked his company. 

Ruon-Juan got up and squeezed his shoulder with an effortless smile, before walking away from them, backwards. He waved for a while before turning around and jogging off. 

Zuko didn’t take his eyes off him, and his smile didn’t drop off his face, until he was out of sight. Once he was gone, he immediately missed him. 

He was drawn from such thoughts by Azula, who was tugging his hand. “C’mon, Zuzu! We have to go home now,” she whined. 

“I’m coming.” Zuko huffed slightly. 

Even after they were home, and even after spending the night with his family, he still couldn’t stop missing Ruon-Jian’s presence. 

The next day was sweltering and sunny again, and the bugs were out in atrocious numbers. Zuko still demanded to go downtown. 

He waited for most of the day, outside the smith’s shop, for Ruon-Jian. No clouds graced the sky and no new friends graced the prince. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ruon-Jian is the boy who is the "sidekick" of Chan in The Beach episode, the one who flirts with Mai and makes Zuko snap (and throws them out)


	3. the restless pain as it crawls out of your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He said he wouldn't be weak again, and Azula may be the liar, but he lied too.   
> He doesn't know why he is weak. He wishes he wasn't.   
> But he also wishes to be held close again.   
> -  
> title: Boys Will Be Boys by Miss Benny

* * *

**3**

* * *

Zuko’s  _ not _ stupid, regardless of what Azula and Father think. He may be reckless, and think before he acts, but when he does think, he thinks thoroughly. 

He runs through all possible scenarios—every minuscule detail. It makes him cautious and quiet. He doesn’t do most of the things he wants, because he knows Father will likely punish him severely and Azula will mock him ruthlessly. 

It’s what makes him anxious. It makes him fidget and always scan every room for all known exits. 

So, no, Father, Azula, he may not be smart, but he’s _not_ _stupid_. 

It’s this not-stupidity that makes him try—keyword there—to act normal when he’s around Raisu. He  _ tries _ to be normal, but he gets nervous quickly and so he starts rambling and stumbling over his words. 

See, Raisu is Zuko’s valet’s apprentice. They’re the same age—12 years old—but Raisu is the son of some far-off governor from one of their older colonies. He’s royalty enough to have a job waiting on Zuko—or rather, an apprenticeship—but not royalty enough to be anyone of real importance. 

Well, that’s not entirely true; he’s of real importance to Zuko.

Raisu always directed a smile towards Zuko. Even if it wasn’t with his lips tilting up, it was with his eyes shining like crystallized amber.   
He never gave any sign of disapproval or confusion or shame when Zuko broke unwritten etiquette to speak with him. In fact, he spoke back! He was willing to maintain a real conversation with him, not just small talk. Most days, Zuko didn’t think he’d ever get tired of hearing his voice. 

Zuko noticed everything about him; from his just-over-shoulder length hair that raised so many questions— _ Why is it so short? Is he technically disgraced? _ —to the way he was always absent for an entire afternoon once a month. 

This also meant he noticed the whispers from other servants; from Emiri giggling,  _ “Raisu asked me for a sanitation pad yesterday,” _ to Yeeko snickering loudly,  _ “Hear about what happened to the Ito’s youngest?” _ to Zoyo glaring down her nose every time Raisu passes with his head held high and tutting and Sho giving him a thumbs up from behind Zoyo’s back. Though Zuko wasn’t sure what it all meant. 

Circling back for a moment, Zuko’s not stupid. He also wasn’t oblivious as to what he felt, either. 

He was well aware of the possibilities of what his father would do to him if word got out about how he felt. His fantasies about Raisu were just that: fantasies. He couldn’t risk anything more than that, for both Raisu and himself. 

He knew how the court would whisper— _ “Did you hear? Prince Zuko is romantically interested in his valet!” “No! Isn’t his valet a eunuch?” “Yes!” “Oh his poor family! Such a disgrace!” “Truly!” _ —and what his sister would say— _ “Really, Zuzu? A peasant without balls? Ha! Well at least you found someone on your own level!” _ —but he didn’t dare pretend to know how Raisu himself would react. It hurt too much to think about. It felt like a punch in the gut to even imagine saying it aloud. 

He’d rather weigh the chances of his father whipping him and throwing him to the street or just flat out killing him to avoid future scandals. 

With these thoughts stabbing around in the back of his head allday, everyday, he still found himself wanting to touch Raisu’s silky hair. It looked softer than Azula’s, which is really saying something. 

Raisu had only been working there for 1 month when Zuko’s birthday came. There’s no fanfare or party anymore; Father says he can have a party when he deserves it, when he makes  _ real _ progress in his studies. 

He tried not to think about how he’s now 13 years old. His attempts only backfire and cause him to think even more about it. 

Raisu noticed because _of course_ _he_ _does_. Even worse, he tried to talk to Zuko about it during his 10 minutes of free time before he’s summoned for dinner. 

He sat next to Zuko at the turtleduck pond. There were no animals out. Zuko was still tossing bread in the water anyway. 

“You okay?” Raisu nudged him. 

“I’m fine.” Zuko immediately winced. His words came out too harsh and too fast. 

“Okay then… are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Raisu didn’t take his eyes off of Zuko’s face. 

“It’s…” Zuko heaved a heavy sigh. “It’s my birthday today.” 

“What? But there’s no party planned, none of your teachers said anything, no gifts came!” 

“Yeah, I know. My fath—the Firelord said I can have a party when I have progressed further in my studies.” He pulled his knees to his chest and hid his face, setting the bread in the grass. 

Turns out, Zuko may overthink, but Raisu  _ under-thinks _ . 

They both fell back as he tackled Zuko into the tightest hug.   
The guards by the door move to pull them apart quickly, but stop suddenly and return to their posts. They had realized they were  _ hugging _ and Raisu was not  _ strangling _ their prince. 

He wasn’t hurting Zuko, he was holding him and wiping his cheeks as he cried quietly. He was whispering ambiguous words of care and affection, not threatening him. The guards were silent and let the boys have their moment. 

Raisu had only been working there for 4 months when he realized Prince Zuko made his heart beat faster and his palms sweaty and his face flush. He recognized the feelings for what it was immediately: a crush. 

As mentioned before, Raisu under-think. He under-thought his actions when Zuko and him were alone that night. 

It was his own birthday. His master valet and him were escorting Zuko around the marketplace, with several guards. It was during the day that he realized his crush. 

It was at sunset that he slipped away from the restaurant to escort Zuko to go to the bathroom. Though everyone knew a 13 year old boy didn’t need an escort for the bathroom, Raisu lied his way through the mini-interrogation well enough that no one protested. 

Zuko kept giving him weird looks, but Raisu ignored them. At least, until Zuko came out of the bathroom. 

Then, he grabbed his arm as shyly asked, “Wanna ditch them for a bit?” Zuko had flushed bright red and eagerly nodded. 

The valet grinned at the prince and pulled him through the market. He taught the prince how to climb the side of a building and how to run across the roofs silently. He taught the prince how to—hypothetically—steal fruit from stalls and how to—hypothetically—scam vendors into giving them free food. 

Zuko devoured every piece of new information eagerly and then looked at him for more. Raisu was more than happy to supply. 

It was fully dark when they started walking back. Most of the market was empty, but they stuck to the alleyways anyway. They had just finished eating their hypothetically stolen fruit. Their hands and mouths were sticky-wet from the juice still. 

Before they rounded the final corner, Raisu stopped him. “Hey, Zuko?” He tugged on his sleeve a little. 

“Yeah?” Zuko stopped and faced him, still smiling from their antics earlier. Raisu tugged his sleeve until they were fully in the shadows of crates and—

—Remember when it was mentioned that Raisu under-thought his actions that night? Yeah, this is what that was in reference to so pay attention— 

—kissed him. 

It was short and chaste but reciprocated. Both noticed how sweet the other tasted, but only Raisu made the connection about the fruit. It was over as soon as it had started, but both boys were breathless anyway.

“Wow,” he whispered, eyes locked with Zuko’s. 

Zuko gulped and opened and closed his mouth several times before talking. He looked happy, but nervous. “We should get back,” he said finally.

“Yeah.” 

Before he pulled back completely, Raisu stole another kiss. Zuko blushed even darker, if possible, but a shy smile found his face. 

Raisu had only been working there for 5 months when he was forced to standby and watched as Ozai grabbed Zuko by his hair and melted half his face off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> raisu is 100% an oc but i have a lot of thoughts about him


	4. free to run, get dizzy on caffeine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this what it feels like for Uncle and Azula when they shoot blue electricity? All giddy and high, alive with energy?  
> Because he sure feels like he's been struck by lightning.  
> Or maybe the choujiu was spiked.  
> -  
> title: Youth by Glass Animals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW for underage drinking**

* * *

**4**

* * *

Ba Sing Se is hope, according to Iroh.   
Ba Sing Se is a new start, according to Jet. 

Zuko admires both Iroh and Jet, but he doesn’t think either of them get it.

Jet is a smooth talker with the looks to match, who may have done wrong in the past, but he’s strong and prepared. With Smellerbee and Longshot at his side, Jet stands firmly as a pillar of their small community.   
Iroh is the closest thing to family he has, and has always taken care of him, no matter how much he struggled; he’s a pillar of Zuko’s life that he _knows_ he’d be long dead without. 

But neither understand. Neither of them are Zuko, who is scarred— _suffering will be your teacher—_ and unwanted _—suffering will be your teacher_ —and unaccomplished— _suffering will be your teacher_ —and cowardly— _suffering will be your teacher_. 

They’ve only been in Ba Sing Se a few days, when Zuko finds himself already doing morally questionable jobs with Jet. 

They started by breaking into houses in the upper ring, stealing everything shiny from a couple with more money than they could spend in their whole lifetime.   
It escalated to destroying all the merchandise in a store owned by the son of a man who exploits children, even though the owner and other workers don’t. Jet said it didn’t matter— _collateral damage_ , he said. 

But after their 5th job—a quick and easy bank robbing in the middle of the night, where they tore apart land deeds that had unlawfully acquired—, they had sat on the angled roofs in the upper ring with a bottle of choujiu. 

Up there, Jet had leaned back on his elbows and tilted his head back. He wasn’t wearing that stupid grin, for once, as he stared up at the stars. 

Zuko felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Winded, he tried to memorize the way Jet looked. All of it—his sharp jawline, his stupid eyebrows, his pointy chin, his ratty hair, his abyssal eyes—kept him breathless.

When Jet glanced at him, that arrogant smile flashing in the corner of his mouth, he was struck with the memory of that night on the ferry. 

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Zuko asked, softly. He was aware of his blush and prayed that Jet would get his joke. 

Jet threw his head back and laughed, loud and happy. “Lee, did you just make a joke?” He met his eyes, mouth slightly agape with glee. 

“Maybe.” Zuko hid his own smile by looking away. 

Jet moved closer so their thighs were touching and snaked his arms around his waist. Zuko did _not_ shudder when Jet put his face into his neck. He could feel the others smile against his skin. 

“You’re something special, Lee.” 

His stomach fluttered. No one could really think he’s the special one—no rational person, at least. “No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Jet kissed his jaw. 

Zuko just sighed and leaned into his arms. He’d let Jet have this one. There was no point in arguing at that moment. 

“You know—“ 

“Damn kids!! Get off my roof!!” The homeowner shouted from his front lawn. A boulder shot towards their heads. 

Survival instincts kicked in and they both took off. Their hands brushed as they ran across the rooftops, away from the shouting nobility. 

Their eyes met for a moment and Jet winked. Zuko could just smile. 

They stopped when they were back in the Lower Ring. They chose a small alley as a place to rest. Zuko sat on a crate and Jet on a hay bale surely meant for a sleeping ostrich-horse. 

Jet plucked a piece of hay and put it in his mouth. 

“You’re disgusting.” Zuko rolled his eyes, making a face. Jet just grinned. 

They sat in the alleyway, just looking at each other, for a while. It was easy to relax here. Zuko even started to doze off at one point. 

His rest was cut short by Jet jumping up and running deeper in the alley to vomit. Afterall, Jet had drunk most of the choijiu, so it was no surprise he was much more drunk. 

Zuko heaved a sigh and he moved over, rubbing his back. When Jet stopped, Zuko had him sit on the crates. “My apartment is close, wanna spend the night there?” Zuko asked, “Or go back home; I’m sure Smellerbee is worried about you.” 

“Your place.” Jet rubbed his eyes. He stood and Zuko helped him stabilize before they started walking. 

At the apartment, Zuko found the front door locked. With a small sigh, he turned to Jet. “We have to go in through the window. Think you’ll be able to scale the wall?” 

“Yeah, I can climb.” 

Most of their “ascension to the final resting place”—Jet’s playful words—was easy. Though, Zuko had to keep him steady while he got the window open, since the platform they were balanced on would be difficult for one sober person, muchless one drunk one and one buzzed one. 

Zuko put his weight against the window, and after a second of pushing, it popped open. Both teens fell over each other as they tumbled inside. They both made embarrassing noises before landing with “thud”s. 

A second after that, Iroh was above them. He had an eyebrow raised at his nephew, who was still recovering from his pratfall. 

“It’s great to see you, Jet. Nephew, what is going on?” Iroh was polite to Jet but firm with Zuko in the same sentence. 

“He’s drunk.” Zuko sat up, rubbing his ribs. 

“Am not! I promise, Iroh, I’m not.” Jet whined, rolling off Zuko and sitting up too. 

“That’s not what I saw when you vomited 5 minutes ago.” Zuko rolled his eyes. “He drank 2/3rds of a bottle of choujiu.” 

“That’s because I didn’t know you’d rat me out to your uncle!” Jet hissed, trying to be quiet so Iroh wouldn’t hear, but given the quiet of the neighborhood, Iroh heard. “You drank the other third!” 

“And _I_ can hold my alcohol.” 

Both boys jumped when Iroh gave a small, exasperated laugh. “We will deal with this in the morning. Jet, you are welcome to spend the night; I will leave you a change of clothes and a blanket on the couch. Both of you, go wash up. I am going back to bed.”

“Goodnight, Uncle,” Zuko said as the old man turned to go. 

Iroh smiled. “Goodnight, Nephew. Sleep well.” 

The boys did their best to be quiet as they shared the small bathroom. They both tried to wash their faces at the same time and head-butted a couple times. When they came out, both of their hair was wet from silently splashing each other. 

There were clothes on the couch for Jet, like Iroh promised. Zuko quietly went into the bedroom to get his own pajamas. By the time he got back to the living room, on his way to change in the bathroom, Jet was lying on the couch with a throw blanket over him. He tossed Zuko a smile. 

“When you invited me back to your apartment, I didn’t expect your uncle to be home.” He winked. 

Zuko rolled his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek to contain his quiet laugh. “Shut up.” 

When he returned after changing, Jet was already asleep, breathing loudly. It was drowned out by Uncle’s snores though. 

He couldn’t help but stand there for a moment and admire him. Logically, he knew this wouldn’t last—it _couldn’t_ last. But, just for once, he’d let himself have this: no overthinking, no worrying, no internalizing. 

He would let himself be innocently happy, just for once.

A moment later, he ducked into the bedroom and curled up on his cot with his blanket and a smile. He fell asleep like that—and for the first time since cutting off his Phoenix Tail, Zuko didn’t have any nightmares.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also choujiu is chinese rice wine-beer. the japanese equivalent is nigori, a type of sake.


	5. crush always making me feel like I got nothing to offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wants to vomit when he's alone. It's horrible.  
> He wants to swoon when he's with him. It's also horrible.  
> It's this disgusting contradiction. He was supposed to be done with these internal conflictions.  
> -  
> title: The King by Conan Gray

* * *

**5**

* * *

_What an absolute dumbass_ , Toph thought to herself with a small smile as she observed the scene around her. 

It was Zuko’s first dinner with them at the Western Air Temple. Even with her feet burned, Toph could tell Zuko was _very_ anxious.   
She kept a hand on the floor at all times and while that view was a little blurrier than she was used to, it still did the trick. Only downside was, she had to let go occasionally to scoop food into her mouth. 

The thing that made this scene _extra_ funny for her was how everyone else’s reactions. 

Katara was holding back an entire hurricane in her body. She shook slightly with the fury of the situation, but managed to keep it out of her voice. Her posture also managed to be calm, but Toph could feel the tension in her muscles as Katara’s knees and calves clenched like she was bracing for an attack. 

Aang was similar, but his tornado was one of hope and optimism—traits that no amount of war or death could shake, somehow. But Aang wasn’t hiding his feelings. He was talking Teo’s ear off about Oma know’s what. That being said, Toph could still feels the caution in his body, 

Sokka was perfectly still. His heart was faster than usual and his back was stiff. He ate at his normal, steady pace and breathed at his normal, steady rate. He wasn’t relaxed or on edge. He was perfectly neutral. Considering this is Sokka Toph was examining, him being so still was more telling than Katara and Aang combined. 

Though, she didn’t know enough about The Duke to analyze him thoroughly, she just knew he was nervous; and she _couldn’t_ analyze Teo because of his dumb _wooden_ wheelchair. When this whole thing is over—if they make it out alive—she’s going to have to work with him and Sokka on making a metal one. 

That left the two people causing all this: Zuko and Haru. 

Toph was pretty sure Haru knew they were causing the rest of them to have mini-breakdowns over their rice-mush bowls. Zuko, on the other hand, was somehow harder to read than Teo! 

Zuko’s heart was constantly pounding faster than an ocelot-hare’s on catnip. It made it very hard to tell when it spiked. The kid never calmed down once, even when Sokka had shown him to his own room. If Toph didn’t know better, she’d think he was being held against his will with a sword to his throat at all times of the day. But he wasn’t: he was there completely of his own volition—though, now, Toph didn’t know if Aang would ever let him leave, even if he wanted to.   
As with the consistency of Zuko’s crazy-fast heart, the rest of his body never seemed to calm either. He never relaxed his muscles, even for a second. He moved like he was ready to defend his own life at any moment. He never stepped into a foriegn room without physically checking every exit point first. He ate his mush like he expected it to be taken from him any moment. He never set his sword’s down for longer than absolutely necessary. 

Toph usually found the persisting stress and tension worrying, but in this case, it was just frustrating. It limited what she could study about him to his voice. All that yielded was that he was anxious—which she already knew.

Then, there was Haru, always so sweet and kind. This extended to their newest boarder too, it seemed:   
He had given Zuko a tour of the entire temple as they had discovered it, even the places that didn’t really matter much—like where Teo had wiped out because the ramp was too steep or where Sokka had tried to hit a bird with his boomerang and missed and Aang had to fly into the chasm to retrieve it.  
He had offered Zuko one of his spare changes of clothing after seeing he really only had the clothes on his back.  
He had gotten Zuko’s bowl from Katara for him, after sensing Katara’s hostility.  
He was currently making pleasant conversation with Zuko, passed small talk, over their dinner. 

It had started with, “So you’re a prince?” and progressed to, “What did your tutors teach you about the other nations and benders?” and then again to, “What was your favorite part about living on your ship?” and then again to where they were now, “What was the name of your favorite turtleduck and why did you name them after a flower?” 

Zuko had started with a nod, then a single word or phrase, next short sentences, and now he was talking like a normal person. It was progress, Toph figured. 

_Pear, he had said,_ she recalled, _Pear was the name of his favorite turtleduck, because the apple pear blossoms bloomed the day he discovered her, and her down and, later, feathers were the color of the fruit’s skin; and Azula had complained that Apple-Pear was too long to say._ It was a pretty sweet story, really. _If the rest of the group wasn’t so uneasy, they would’ve really enjoyed it,_ Toph internally scoffed at her friends. 

After dinner, Zuko bid goodbye to her, Aang, and Haru— _only_ her, Aang, and Haru—before slipping away from the main room to head to bed.

In the silence of his bedroom, he started cussing quietly to himself. _Such a fucking idiot,_ he scolded himself, _pathetic too. Just gonna fall for every boy who’s kind to you?_

He wasn’t used to receiving kindness, and it felt like anytime a boy his age offered it, Zuko found himself falling head over heels. He always felt like such an idiot after they inevitably part ways. He didn’t want to go through it all again.   
Without even realizing, he began to spiral down a squirrel-rabbit hole of self-disgust and worse-case scenarios. He hated every second.

And yet, when morning came and him and Aang were preparing to move to a space for his first fire-bending lesson, Zuko still found himself being a total idiot around Haru. For Agni's sake, he _blushed_ when Haru told him how cool his swords looked, in front of _everyone_ .   
Sokka scoffed and mumbled something like, “They’re not _that_ cool.”   
“No,” Haru had smiled widely, glancing at Sokka, “They _are_ that cool.”

It took all of Zuko’s control—breathe in, hold, breathe out, repeat—to not burst into flames. Thankfully, Aang swooped in and saved him from further embarrassment. 

He knows he still can’t stop himself from admiring Haru’s handsome face and body, no matter how much he wants to—especially after he shaves that mustache. 

It gets even worse when he watches him practice his earthbending. His mind can’t help but wander as he watches him set his feet into the temple floor and move a non-structurally integral pillar around. 

Agni, between Katara’s threats, Toph’s snickering, and Haru looking like _that_ , he’s never going to make it out of this temple alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he is disaster gay 😌  
> sorry the end is so abrupt, the next chapter pick up will where this left off


	6. there was a thunder inside of my heart, there was a wonderful pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's not entirely sure when it became like this.  
> He's not entirely sure he cares.  
> He's content like this, being held and his hair being played with as sunlight flitters into the room .  
> -  
> title: American Money by BØRNS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cried uncontrollably for a solid 30 mins while i was writing this @ 1am

* * *

**+1**

* * *

When it first hits Zuko, he’s dangling over a boiling lake in the center of a volcano. Now, that sounds bad, but all things considered, it’s better than some of the alternative options.   
Though, if he’s being honest with himself, he probably always knew, but it wasn’t relevant any other time. While it’s still not relevant now, it feels like it could be. 

His whole world tilts out of focus and then back to normal, except now he’s seeing it all from a new perspective. Suddenly, he feels _alive_. It makes him childishly giddy. 

You see: Sokka hadn’t let him fall. When Zuko jumped, Sokka out half his upper body out of the gondola and he _caught_ him. While he’d only hung there for a moment, he still met Sokka’s oceanic eyes and he can’t help grinning. 

Once he's safe in the gondola, Sokka had grinned back with similar glee. 

Granted, that moment hadn’t lasted long, since Azula and Ty Lee were on their tails a moment later. He’s forced to put it out of his head in favor of surviving. 

On the airship home, Zuko allows himself to think about it a little more. He knows he can’t quite put a name to his emotions, but he can tell Sokka felt it too. 

“You caught me,” he had said to the Water Tribe boy, when Chief Hakoda had left the room for a moment. 

“What?”

“When I jumped, back there, you caught me,” he repeated. 

Sokka looked over at him with those studious eyes. “Of course I did.” 

He isn’t sure what to say, so they just stare at each other for a long moment. It’s broken when Hakoda returns. 

After that, there isn’t time to dwell on it again. They go back to the Western Air Temple and get their newest companions situated. Right as they made themselves at home, right as Sokka and Katara got used to having their dad around again, Azula came and tried to kill him and everyone else. The group had to split up. They camp and Zuko helps Katara almost kill the man who killed her mother. Then they’re at Ember Island and Zuko is plagued with memories of his childhood and worries of the future.   
There isn’t _time_ to dwell on idle emotions. 

Even when Zuko’s shot full of lightning by his sister—whom he still loves and plans to care for, no matter what his friends think—and forced to rest. 

He spent the first days with a fever— _I’m your loyal son, I’m your loyal son, I’m your loyal son, your loyal son, your loyal son, your loyal son, your son, your son, your son—_ before Katara’s magic healing hands brought him back down to normal. 

Then, his friends and family came and visited, and he cried: Aang, Toph, Suki, Sokka, Katara, Uncle, Ty Lee, Mai, Momo, Appa, The Duke, Haru, Teo, Hakoda, Chit Sang, and more people he hasn’t seen in far too long—Jee and his crew from the Wani, Piandao and his husband, even _June_ comes! 

He allowed himself to weep like a newborn baby. He doesn’t know how he managed to make so many friends—so many people who _care_ —, but they’re all here, thankfully not all at once though. They all expressed their pride and glee for him in different ways, too. 

Aang and Ty Lee had both leapt into his bed and hugged him so tight he nearly cried out in pain. 

Hakoda had taken Zuko’s hand and looked him the eye and said, “Thank you,” with the most genuine smile Zuko had ever seen. 

Mai had inclined her head and allowed the smallest of smiles to cross her face—which made him promptly burst into tears and demand she come closer so he could hug her—; and June had given him a similar look, but he didn’t demand a hug from her—she offered one first. 

The Duke had come with his lunch and talked his ear off about everything and nothing. It was nice to not think for a little. 

Haru and Sokka had both flashed him brilliant smiles, and he still didn’t know how to feel about that, but he blushed both times anyway. 

His crew from the Wani had crowded around his bed, all smiling widely, and asked to know everything that happened between the failed siege in the north and him getting shot full of lightning by his baby sister. He had done his best to give a summarized, but still detailed, explanation. He could tell they wanted more, when he finished, but Jee clapped him on his shoulder, smiled at him, and said, “You did good, brat.” 

Teo and Chit Sang had both given him a smile and thumbs up from across the room. Simple, but he felt overflowing gratitude for both of them. 

Toph and Iroh had each just held him. When Iroh held him, he fell asleep listening to his uncle sing that lullaby— _brave soldier boy, come marching home_ —and feeling safe. When Toph held him, they were lying flat on his bed, just breathing together, and they didn’t need anything more than that. 

Katara and Suki had gingerly hugged him, while quietly scolding him for almost killing himself. But their words had been so tender, he had smiled and let tears fall and hugged them back tighter. 

Piandao, with his husband, who stood farther back in the room, had given him a look of fondness and asked if he kept up with his training— _even the painting? Prince Zuko, it does not matter how good you are with a blade unless you understand the principles behind- no, committing petty theft does not count as an art form- poetic justice against the rich is not the same as poetry- no, it’s not_ —and Zuko can’t help but laugh, loud and happy, with his old teacher. 

Appa, similarly to Toph, had wanted to cuddle in silence, which Zuko does once he’s able to get out of bed. 

Momo showed his appreciation by keeping the room free of bugs, despite the open windows. 

But after that, he’s crowned Firelord. He has an entire nation to restore, a sister to help heal, and his own health to worry about.   
Sure, he has help, but he’s still tripping over himself with work. There’s always more to do. 

Mai sticks around and so do the Kyoshi Warriors. Zuko doesn’t think he’ll ever stop appreciating them for that.   
There are many nights where Ty Lee is the only reason he doesn’t fall asleep at his desk. There are many days where Suki is the only reason he remembers his body needs fuel. There are many mornings where Mai is the only reason he remembers how to get out of bed. 

He’s exhausted, but driven.

Next thing he knows, he’s turning 18. 

His friends come by. Aang is now 14 and almost taller than him, Toph will be 15 at the end of the month, Katara is 16, and Sokka turned 18 two months prior and is taller than him. 

He’s stayed in touch, mainly with letters, but he hasn’t been with them all, together, since his coronation. It brings back a wave of nostalgia. 

It’s that night Sokka announces to the group that he’s going to be the Southern Water Tribe Head Ambassador to the Fire Nation; he had already been an Ambassador for several years, but being the Head Ambassador meant he would be living in the Fire Nation for most of the year. 

Zuko would be lying if he said that didn’t make his heart pound. He felt like a kid again. Without much thought, he blurted, “You can live here.” 

Everyone looked at him and he flushed. Curse his pale skin. 

“The embassy is on the other side of town,” he added quickly, “Since we’ll be working together more often than not, you should- you could just live here. There’s plenty of rooms. Agni, you could have a whole wing to yourself, if you want.” He knew he was rambling but he could stop it. “Or, if you’d rather live in the regular suites with me- not _with me-_ Mai lives there too- not _with_ _me_ with me- then you could too, if you wanted to.” He’s pretty sure he would’ve talked himself into deeper embarrassment if he wasn’t interrupted. 

But, thank the spirits, Sokka interrupted. “I’d love to live with you, Zuko.” He smiled widely and winked. 

They all burst out laughing as Sokka wiggles his eyebrows. Even in embarrassment, Zuko laughed too and batted his eyelashes playfully in return, despite the centipede-butterflies in his stomach going crazy. 

In the following months, Sokka fully moved in—and somewhere in there, Toph did too, but Zuko couldn’t say exactly sure when. Similarly, Zuko couldn’t pin down the exact moment his and Sokka’s playfully banter turned into serious flirting and then again into downright being together, but it had. 

It was a slow process, he knew. But it felt rather sudden: going from jokingly blowing a kiss when Sokka complimented him to tenderly tucking a fire lily behind Sokka’s ear because it made his eyes and the blues in his intricate robes stand out to kissing the corner of his mouth before a meeting and falling asleep in the same bed together to stop the nightmares. 

It wasn’t like when they were kids. But then again, they’re not kids anymore. 

Really, they hadn’t put a word to what they had. Toph had plenty of words for them, but they hadn’t talked about it. Though, it didn’t feel like they had to; their relationship was one that didn’t need words, he thought. 

In truth, it wasn’t until Zuko woke up on the 6th anniversary of the end of the war, that it hit him again; he remembered the feeling from that day, at the gondola, over the boiling lake. He hadn’t been able to name it them. He wasn’t quite sure he could now either, but he knew he could ballpark. 

He’s content, relaxed, happy, safe, warm, and satisfied. He can’t remember the last time he felt like this, before Sokka moved in. 

Zuko spent a good amount of time admiring the man before him, before Sokka’s eyes fluttered open. A smile spread across both of their faces. 

“Morning, Zuko,” Sokka’s voice was gravely from sleep. 

“Morning, Sokka.” Zuko put his head on the other’s chest, still gazing at him. 

After a moment, Zuko let his eyes slide shut, feeling Sokka run his hands through his hair. The silence around them was nice. 

“I love you,” Sokka sighed happily. 

Zuko smiled, but then wavered. 

“What is it, sugar plum?” 

Zuko was too caught up in his head to notice the dumb nickname. “You love me…” he repeated, sitting up a little. 

“Yeah. It’s not the first time I’ve said that.” Sokka nodded, sitting up on his elbows. 

“I know… but…” 

“Take your time, snuggle muffin.” 

There was a long moment of silence. Sokka didn’t stop playing with his hair, or rubbing circles on his side. 

“Do you _love me_ love me? Or is it like, as a friend?” Zuko finally asked. 

Sokka blinked several times. “We’ve been together for 3 years. Legally, I’m your husband. We are literally sleeping in the same bed.” 

“Answer the question!” Zuko’s cheeks were bright red and he looked away, scowling deeply at the wall. 

“Oh sweetheart, my love, my life, my personal space heater, of course I _love you_ love you. I don’t know what could ever make you think otherwise.” Sokka said softly, moving his hand to gently stroke Zuko’s cheekbone lovingly. 

He hesitated and looked down, suddenly vulnerable. “I just… we never actually talked about it.” 

“I thought we were on the same page. I mean, legally being married was the big one, I thought.” 

“You said it was for tax reasons.” 

“Yeah, to piss off the assholes in your court.” 

“Oh. So you meant it?”

“Of course I did. I still do, honey bun. Did- do you?” 

“I…” Zuko looked up and met his eyes, swallowing thickly. “Yeah, I do.” 

Sokka smiled and kissed his forehead gently. When he pulled back, Zuko moved forward and kissed him fully. Really, they’d only ever kissed briefly before, but this was much deeper and vulnerable. 

When they pulled apart, Zuko was blushing still. “Sorry I got confused.” 

“It’s alright, I promise. I’ll try to talk things through next time.” Sokka gave him an earnest smile. “Though I don’t know how you waited 3 years before you asked if I really meant any of it, considering you thought this was a friendship thing.” 

Zuko huffed and hit his chest. “Shut up.” 

“No, seriously.” Sokka smiled wider. “I wanna know. Why today, of all the times?” 

It took some more harmless pressuring and bantering before Zuko finally said the truth: “I just woke up this morning and realized how much I love you.” He spoke with his face pressed into Sokka’s chest, blushing even fiercer. He hadn’t realized the feeling was _love_ , until he said it. 

Sokka softened and tugged him closer. “I love you too, Zuko.” 

“Well, I know that now!” Zuko hit him again and he laughed. 

They settled back into the bed and let silence take the room once again. It was of the relaxed and content kind of silence. Sokka went back to playing with his hair, smiling down at him. 

“I can’t wait to tell Katara you thought we were dating and married _as friends_ , for 3 whole years.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone enjoyed this! expect more works in this series in the future :D!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to my gorgeous beta Abby! @owolordmaster on tumblr :D


End file.
